Skating Uphill by Judith Lawrenson

PINK Magazine

Fall, 2013

So, last month I promised to discuss the various ways in which our very best efforts can actually be sabotaged by our very best friends. Please notice I have used the words “very best” twice. I will use it again because I honestly think that people’s hearts are in the right place and they are intending to do the “very best” they can to help, make us feel better about ourselves.  If I did not really try to believe this I could get very angry and so will you when you read some of the things that have been said to those of us who “skate uphill” to really try to keep up that healthy paradigm.

I got the idea for this article when a friend of mine told me that her husband continually told her that she did not need to lose weight because he loved her just the way she was. I know this is intended to help and to not make one’s loved one feel bad about themselves, but you surely can see that if this person loved herself and was happy just the way she was, she would not be trying to make changes.  I have heard this particular comment before myself, among others, so I decided to ask around women friends who have been really making the effort to keep it up and see if I could detect some sort of pattern here. Boy, was I shocked. In just a couple of visits over coffee and a few phone calls, I amassed over 15 “helpful comments” that were made to “encourage” those people who are actively trying to make changes for the better. Have you heard any of these from people who are trying to “help” you?”

You have done so well with your food all day today. Let’s go out to dinner to celebrate.

1. I made this just for you.
2. This is my specialty. Just try a little.
3. If you don’t want to eat this, then what DO you want?
4. Don’t lose any more weight-your skin will sag and you will look old and haggard.
5. You look sick. Have you lost weight?
6. If you are at a plateau, that means you are at the correct weight and your body has stabilized.
7. Come on, I thought this was your favorite. This is a variation on “I made this just for you.”
8. I miss the way we used to share: ice cream in the evenings, a glass of wine, going out to dinner, cooking together, experimenting with desserts…..You get the idea.
9. This is pretty low cal. I made it with margarine, not butter.
10. Don’t lose weight for me. I like a little meat on the bone.
11. Skinny people are NOT healthy. This was my grandma’s favorite.
12. I am buying this for me. You don’t have to have any if you don’t want to.
13. And finally, as one husband said to his wife, in front of the kids: “Don’t worry, kids. Mom will go off this diet pretty soon like all the others and then we will get some real food again!”

I am sure you can think of many more of these gems, and this is not the least of it. We are surrounded by advertisements for luscious restaurant food and slim, beautiful models drinking wine and telling you how good things taste. I have often thought that they spit it all out the minute the photo shoot is done.

Finally, and I have saved the worst for last, the most difficult sabotage person to fight is yourself. I know this to be a fact from my own weight loss experiences. I rationalize. I do it in the store, I do it at the fridge, and I do it in my pantry. I do it at parties and restaurants too. I tell myself that I can exercise it off tomorrow when I know that you have to add extra hours, not minutes, to get rid of even a hundred calories. I say I am only going to have a taste then wind up with a plateful. I buy my beloved salty snax at the grocery store and while I am putting them in the cart I am telling myself I am not going to eat them. I’m sorry, but how stupid is that? I love those wafer thin pretzels with crunchy peanut butter and the bag literally calls out loud to me if I have it in the pantry. How does anybody actually keep on track at all with of these things around to undermine efforts? Well, If you “Skating Uphill” last month, you will know that it is all about motivation. It is about caring for yourself and wanting to be the best person you can be and live your best life. This attitude also projects out from you to those around you and believe me, it is highly contagious.

Yes, I know this sounds very corny and I know it is easy to say and hard to do. I have done it, remember.  All I can say, and I say this honestly to you from my heart, is that you have to want it. You have to really want it for you.

Tune in next time for more than you wanted to know about food definitions. What is organic? How is that different from natural or organically grown or pure? You will be surprised at some of the label meanings and also be enabled to determine the value for money of different product lines. Lots of important information so don’t miss it!